


Call My Friends And Tell Them (That I Love Them)

by fun_sized_advil



Series: My Spotify Playlist as Fics [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Author Projecting onto Logic | Logan Sanders, Cutting, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Overworking Logic | Logan Sanders, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Teenage Logic | Logan Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:13:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28540134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fun_sized_advil/pseuds/fun_sized_advil
Summary: Logan gets his first B and it gets worse.The title is "Listen Before I Go" by Billie Eilish but Egg's cover version because *sparkle emoji* repression.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Original Character(s)
Series: My Spotify Playlist as Fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2091693
Kudos: 48





	Call My Friends And Tell Them (That I Love Them)

**Author's Note:**

> Literally just me projecting onto Logan. #LetLoganSandersSmile2020. I'm pretty sure we're (plural for my two braincells and I) are going to make this into a series with angst-song fics. 
> 
> TW- cutting, mentally abusive parents, burnout gifted kid, cursing  
> (lmk if there's anything else)
> 
> IF YOU EXPERIENCE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS PLEASE FIND HELP 💛💛💛

What a fucking failure. Another B. His friends told him it was fine, but his parents had something else to say. “You’re so smart Logan, you’ve always done so well. How could you have gotten a B?” He had tried to convince himself it truly was just hard, and that it couldn’t be helped, but with every breath he took, his parent’s remarks rang in his year. _You’re supposed to be better than this. This was never a problem, what changed? You’re just not trying hard enough. You were so smart._

He had always been called smart as a kid. It was true. But never had anyone described him as kind or handsome or friendly; just smart. And now, he wasn’t smart anymore? He was nothing if not smart, and he was no longer smart so he was nothing.

\--

He couldn’t sleep, or eat, or take a goddamn break anymore. Every second spent away from his laptop was time wasted _. Just try harder._ That soon turned the B’s into C’s and D’s. His friends, Roman and Virgil, offered to help, some of his teachers, like Mr. Patton, reached out too. But his parents? Oh no. They wouldn’t be caught dead with a son getting anything less than an A. 

They first decided to take away Logan's phone. No more talking to his friends, much less meeting them. Then they switched him to remote school. He was completely alone in his house of three. He could no longer afford to show love towards anything, with fear that it would be taken away or used against him. He learned his place. “Yes, mother” and “Right away, father”, with no eye contact, much less a smile. Despite what some say about family, his parent’s love was very conditional. Their imperfect child was no longer seen at get-togethers or at the library with the remix of one phrase to answer their confusion. “Oh! You know him, he just wants to work hard, get into a good college.” 

His friends knew a bit about his parents, he had only told them the half of it, too scared to dump a problem that they couldn’t fix on them when they had their own things to deal with. Maybe they would do anything for him, but they were just kids, and in reality saving him was impossible. 

\--

It was too much. Logan didn’t smile anymore and his parents couldn’t be bothered to notice. His grades went up slowly, but his parents kept him home. “You’re doing so well here, why do you want to leave?” He was trapped and drowning in himself.

That night, Logan took the extra razors from his fathers shaving kit and hid them in the bathroom. He had covered his mirrors months before, when looking at himself made him think ‘ _worthless_ ’ before anything else. Tonight, he pulled down the pins holding a bedsheet over the mirror and looked at himself. _You were so smart._

And for the first time in months Logan wept. He had stopped himself from feeling for so long, afraid of what might come from it, that when he finally decided to confront his emotions it was too much. How was he supposed to look at himself? He couldn’t take it. It was too much, everything was just too much. It felt like his lungs were ripping into a million piece puzzle and he couldn’t find an fucking edge piece anywhere. 

_You’re not enough. You’re supposed to be better than this. Why can’t you just work harder? How could you have made a mistake? We don’t want you. You need to do better. Your job is to be a student before all else. Friends will drag you down. Don't you think you’ve been out too much? Watch what you say in school, no one can know about this. Tell your friend you’re busy. You’re not worth it. We’re just doing this because we care about you._ You were so smart. 

The floodgates of thought broke open and left Logan sobbing on the bathroom floor, trying to muffle his tears into a towel so no one would get angry at him for making a racket. 

His first cut had been three years ago, but with the help of his friends, he stopped and had been clean since then. Tonight would end that streak. He was careful to cut where the scars wouldn’t be seen and to ensure that blood wouldn’t stain the bathroom rugs. Once he was done he cleaned the razors and snuck them back into place. He re-pinned the bed sheet to cover the mirror. His cheeks were still wet with tears when he went back to review for his next project.

**Author's Note:**

> I love comments so feel free to leave some if you'd like. Roast me if you find any typos. Much love to y'all and wear a mask 💛


End file.
